Thank you so much for this thread. Understandably, most regular posters are in the early/replay stages of all this mlc upheaval. That is when we are at our most hurt, bewildered and scared.
I have been posting here for a LONG time now, and seen very little change in my xh in terms of him seeming to move out of replay, until the last few days.
Although for the first year after the bomb, I saw a lot of him and saw for myself how he swung from euphoria to depression to crying to huge anxiety attacks. In a way, I was grateful for that because from the day of the bomb, it was obvious there was something wrong with his mental health, I just didn't know what it was for a while. Thank goodness for the internet.
It seems that he has reached a new phase after 3 years of replay, since he told me on the phone this week that he has been feeling depressed for a few weeks - a pretty big admission.
I need to go back and read about your recent incident with your h because I suspect that you did what I felt like doing, that is respond to him with love, compassion and understanding - but at a rate which perhaps scared him off a bit.
I hope I managed to keep myself in check - but then I am an old hand at this! I was sympathetic and after a couple of days I sent a text saying I hoped he was feeling a bit better etc. Now I shall leave the next contact to him.
But it goes against the grain doesn't it? Because we are caring people and our instinct is to want to help, especially because we love them so much. I have had to talk to myself severely over this one.
And I had been dimmer this last few weeks, which may actually have helped propel him forward a bit I think, or maybe it was just time. I am going to stay a bit dimmer - which is a real struggle for me given he is openly and apparently continuously, depressed right now.
But I know I have to leave contact up to him, although I will send the oodd text if there has been a gap of a few days. I still need to let him come to me - this is the mantra!
Throughout the last 3 years, I have found texting to be a great way of maintaining contact which is less pressured. Have you tried this?
Hugs Jaybeexxxx
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
