Hope, Generally when replay starts, it starts with euphoria. The "I'm free, I can do whatever I want, I can conquer the world, I no longer have to answer anyone about what I do or when I do it" begins. As they continue to move forward in replay, once the euphoria begins to wear off a tad, the depression sets in and that's when things begin to change for them. Everything becomes either black or white--no in between gray areas. It takes approximately 6 mths to 9 mths. when depression begins to show up. So, your guess estimate is accurate for your h.
The ow doesn't care how he behaves just as long as the money is coming in and she has a place to stay. She wants financial support and a fun time. In your h's case, a companion and someone to watch over her child. There is no love there. It's all about being needy and have needs met by both of them at this time. They are feeding off of each others needs.
He is definitely in mlc. No doubt about it. Try not to question him about his friendship w/the ow or w/you for now. He's floating and he thinks you can read his mind. You can't. He's assuming that you know how he feels. You don't. So, just listen and always remember that actions speak louder than words. BTW, they will pop in and out at various times. The period between the sightings can vary depending upon the depression and where he's at in it. So, don't assume that the ow has anything to do w/his popping in for a visit to you. She doesn't have control over this one.
Hope, you have to remember that depression comes in waves for these mlcers. They come up for a brief period and it hits them all over again, especially when they aren't on meds. Yes, I do understand what you are saying about the conversations at times are very normal and sane. These type of conversations are when they hit that pocket of sanity and then they disappear all over again. You'll see quite a bit of that along the way. Try not to worry too much when you don't see or hear from him. It's all about depression and not the ow at this time.
Hope, it's best to try to think of him as a good friend that calls every now and then to see how you are doing. You've got to find a way to focus on you and your life for now. He's not able to be there for you. I'm sorry. I know you are worried about him, but worry isn't going to help you or him at this time. I know you want him back home, but you don't want him home the way he is. He's a mess right now and be thankful the ow has him to deal w. She's nothing more than a band-aid to him and that's it. There is no love there and will never be because the relationship is based on fantasy and lies. It will get old, but it must die a normal death w/o any interference by others.
Plan something fun for yourself. Jot down some goals for the spring and summer months and start thinking about doing them. The more you keep yourself busy, the less time you'll have to worry about your h. God is watching over him and he will take care of him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
