My thanks again for you addressing this. It helps me more than you know!
If I may, in my case (maybe in others?) the replay started out with no withdrawal. Even after he moved out, initially, he was coming by nearly every day, or at least every other. The depression and withdrawal settled in about 7-8 mo. into replay as far as I can tell.
they don't want people judging them for who they were. They want to be accepted for who they are right now The thing is, I know my H. is not proud of who he is right now. I don't think he wants to forever be this version of himself. I guess o.w. accepts him in this condition; maybe that's the draw to her and why he doesn't go looking for someone else to date?
What your h is doing right now is very much par for the course for mlcers. You see, you got too close and tried too hard to be his friend. He wasn't ready for that type of friendship right now Thank you for the reassurance that you still think he's having a MLC; sometimes I am not sure. I feel badly if I came on too strong, but when he reached out like he did 3 weeks ago, he seemed desperate for my friendship. I even asked him where things stood for us, and he said, "How can you even ask me that? I called YOU didn't I?" He seemed offended that I didn't know how he felt! But since then, he's been smoothing things over with o.w. and the friendship he seemed to need is now not a priority to him; thus the withdrawal again, no calling, short and curt on the phone when we do speak, etc.
I promise you, he will contact you again when he has a pocket of sanity and he's able to come up for a bit from the depression.
I hope so. I do understand why you call it a pocket of sanity; that's exactly what it seems like. Suddenly my husband is on the phone, not the alien version of himself. There is a difference in his tone of voice, the words he uses, his ability to hold his end of the conversation when he's in a "pocket of sanity". Unfortunately they don't seem to last for more than a couple of days.
He needs to feel that he's in control of his life and he needs to feel like he can decide if and when he'll contact you again It has to be his choice; he doesn't want to feel forced to do anything.
I am really glad to hear your xh is emailing and showing interest and concern for your life again. I know you have moved on, but I am sure it is a relief to see his crisis finally ending. You have been dealing with this for such a long time.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
