The other day W came home all emotional and needed to be hugged. She thanked me for 'not giving up on her' and seems very grateful that I didn't let everything she did destroy us.
Last night she came home late from taking the kids to a party and called me to tell me she was running late. I was at the grocery store looking for comfort food (ice cream!) because I had a stressful day.
When she got home about 45 minutes later I was home but didn't hear her come in since I was in my office. She eventually came in to ask me why I didn't come out to greet her 'because you always do when I come home' and I said I didn't realize she was home. Then she starts crying and tells me that after she called me when I was at the grocery store, she was thinking that it was later in the evening, and I might be buying things to drink like I used to, and she'd come home and I'd be all drunk and what would she do!?
There wasn't much to say except that I was looking for sweets to get a sugar rush. She went on to say that she just couldn't 'go through that again'. I try to point out to her that I DO NOT want to 'go through that' either. Why would I want to repeat a time in my life when I was depressed, hopeless and lost faith in myself? Oh, that would be a real party now wouldn't it!?
She felt better and I realized how much farther she has to go - and how important it is that she can feel safe with me - part of her childhood trauma issues.
A couple days ago I was talking to her Dad abuot some business I am doing for him and geting PAID for it. Anyway, he mentioned to me that no matter what he'd always treat me like family even though W was leaving me and all that...
We haven't told anybody in the family (not that they would really need to know) about the past couple months of working on the marriage. So I told him the bare minimum since I think W needs to talk to him about the deeper childhood issues on her own when she feels it is something she wants to address.
He told me he was glad that it was working for us, but felt he had to let me know that as far as he was concerned what she did (the affair) 'wronged' me. I told him he was right of course, it did wrong me. And I'm not going to just forget it but I can put it behind me.
I don't know why he has to be like this but his first W (My W's mom) dumped him for another man when W was 17. He has never forgiven her.
Back in november when I told him I was going to 'stand' and work through this process with her because I knew the affair was going to end at some point because it was a fantasy - he said to me "Well Frank, you're a much better man than I am because I'd kick her out if I were you"
