I for one find your words inspirational and I read your posts often. I'm on the same journey you are and it isn't easy. Some days it would be so easy to give up but you inspire me to keep on going. I learned, just as you did, I will be okay with my H or without my H. I choose to be with him and to work through his A. I'm pretty sure that he's still lying to me and it causes me to step back a bit, but I'm in for the long haul, so I have to be patient for him to learn that we are partners and that when we married, we became one, my pain is his and visa versa. I'm convinced that we'll make it because we are both committed to making it work.
Yes, please keep posting. I want to share this journey with you.
TOTALLY AGREE. One must think of this more as a journey. I would fear that if I treated a saved marraige as a destination, I would (and WAW would) very much end up in a bad place again.
It comes down to being in it for the long haul. It should always be a work in process and only completed when we leave this world.
Then for me, I want to be eulogized as a great HUSBAND, FATHER, and friend.
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
Thanks for sharing. I have been following you fom the beginning and have watched, with satisfaction and joy, you start to become whole again. I am truely inspired and happy for you. You seem to get just a little better every day and so do I. We keep moving forward. Ciao.
Sven, BJ, Gwyn, Kester, thanks for confirming my observations and beliefs. Your support and feedback is why I am here.
And it's TRUE, when we do become complacent is when we begin the slow destruction of our marriage and become just roommates.
Every day should contain some celebration of our love for each other, no matter how small a celebration it is. Just as long as we take the time to observe it.
W is a childhood sexual abuse survivor and it brings with it a whole lot of behaviors and tests of me that she'll always have, so she can reaffirm that she is safe and protected. It's that part of our relationship that is often hard to look at some weird fight or emotional outburst, and rather than react to her, try to see if those old fears are behind what she says or does.
But at least now I'm aware. And that makes all the difference. She has always been a good woman and is worth the fight I've fought.
Yes, the way I build openness in my R is to be open myself FIRST. I understand that now. Thank you. I was already heading that way, but reinforcement always helps.
Quote:
Every day should contain some celebration of our love for each other, no matter how small a celebration it is. Just as long as we take the time to observe it.
THIS is what so many of us never got before. Once we "get" this and make it a permanent part of our lives, we become so much better to not only our partners, but ourselves as well. It's the ultimate PMA.
Every day should contain some celebration of our love for each other, no matter how small a celebration it is. Just as long as we take the time to observe it.
THIS is what so many of us never got before. Once we "get" this and make it a permanent part of our lives, we become so much better to not only our partners, but ourselves as well. It's the ultimate PMA.
GH
I"m just going to quote you to reinforce this concept. This IS the major reason we got where we are.
And celebration is a little as taking 2 minutes to look in each others eyes and remember why you got married and what keeps you happy.
So simple, yet we have to be hit over the head with a club to 'get it'.
I agree, everday should bring something to confirm to your H or W that you are still very much in love. We hold hands at night until we fall asleep. Simple, but special.
I was so sure that my H would never betray me, I took it for granted never thinking for one moment some other woman would chase after him. Well a woman did chase him, stroked his ego - he got sucked in and the rest is history. Never again, should any of us, take anything for granted!!!
was just reading over your thread a bit again and read something about your counsellor saying that your wife needs to 'make the effort' to chase you
and then you posted you didn't know how to make this happen I was thinking maybe if you did something unusual or unexpected like join a group or something to learn a new hobby etc she may begin to show a little interest I don't know maybe take up pottery or painting and then when you come back from class she has to ask what you are doing when you are there
I think you need to create something different you can both talk about a change in your daily schedule - a bit of mystery
Keep up the good fight frank. i posted on my old thread. This are going well but I have some health issues now. Its very amazing how things worked out. But I think things are going to be OK.
Its looks like you have always made the right decision.
