I think we all develop certain triggers that stay with us after the A is over. For me, it's when my W goes to the gym, for you it's her email.
It's natural to react to those things but you've become VERY practiced in doing the UNNATURAL in the past few months. I think part of you feels like "being you" would mean openly sharing your feelings about these things but another part of you feels like you can't do that because it's not "DB" or in accordance with how you've learned to relate with your W over the past several months.
I think we all have to learn where that line is between detached, non-reaction to negative stimuli and denial of our feelings. To that end, I think you need to accept that for the foreseeable future, you WILL have negative feelings for certain things your W does, like check her email or act "aloof" because it immediately transports you back to a past that you are doing your best to move on from. Accept that, return to the past, acknowledge it and then return to the moment, satisfied that you were true to your feelings AND true to DB. You accept the past so you can allow yourself to live in the present.
As for the passion thing, I am struggling with that too these days. I see it as possibly returning but I guess we just need to give it time.
I believe you are at that point where us LBS's start to get resentful of all the hard work, and in your case, FAST work you did to mend not only yourself, but the marriage too. You are looking at the big picture and seeing a 95-5 split of the workload and that weighs on you. You also aren't sure you even want what you worked so hard for. Well, I suppose that's because the payoff is just not what you expected. The rosy, fun-filled nivirna of marital bliss is absent from your life, as is the trauma filled pending divorce. There is an emptiness now that I don't think you expected.
Frank, you have come VERY far in a VERY short time. Please continue to give this time. You are SO close, I really believe that. Keep being Frank, whatever that means to you today, and I think you'll be fine.
