Quote: You know, I think I'm about a month or two (or maybe less) behind you. The ups and downs are positivly maddening. I'm experiencing a lot of the same actions, emotions, etc. from WAW so I just try to observe and not react. This is where the work is.
Yeah, it's even more maddening when I get to the point to where I look at her, and I wonder if she was always this screwed up and I just didn't want to notice. I do my best to remember that there are a lot of reasons that I love her, and she does her best to test each one.
She says so much crap that reinforces the 'well I really don't know WHAT I'm going to do or feel so let's not do things that are too serious right now'. Then she has days where she's feeling like I don't care about her, and she get's needy. Which is it? You want and need my support or you don't?
If I have a day, or even an hour where I am feeling down, or a little in need of some reassurance - too bad. Sure, I get some good interactions from her from time to time, however I just can't understand how she can sit there and say
"Well, I know I didn't allow myself to believe I deserved to 'have it all' over the past 10 years and now I want it all and I deserve it. What? Like I DON'T want to have a better , more fun, more improved life? Then she can tell me to my face that she 'loves me' and want's this to work out.
That's what pisses me off - the attitude of "I didn't get what I wanted out of life with you so I'll just wait and see if you can be 'fun' again, but not put myself out there or risk". She is so selfish.
Yesterday she saw Counselor and said she got into a lot of emotional stuff. That's good.
Then she says "You'll have an interesting meeting with her next week." I say "Oh, why?" and W says "Well, I talked a lot about what my sexual needs are and she's going to talk to you about it. She says that it's easier for a neutral party to help couples communicate their needs because there's no judgementalism.".
WTF? So she can't tell me any of this because I might take it personally? What, does she want to do a donkey? I mean I know WHAT her basic desires are and she's playing this game where she doesn't want to talk to me directly about her SEXUALITY?
I've been festering about this the past day because it just pisses me off that she plants a thought, and then doesn't expand on it. So I have to wait around for my Counselor session on tuesday to have any idea what the hell her issues are.
I do know that there are certain behaviors in bed that she has told me will trigger her to feel bad stuff from her childhood abuse. So I will guess that there is some of this in the 'discussion on tuesday'.
I'm just getting tired of this crap. It's like I told Counselor this past tuesday - I do all the work, I do all the hurting, I get a tidbit here and there when SHE wants something.
Right now she in stuck in 'my life hasn't been so great, I want it to be great, I don't want to invest time into Frank to make it great with him, I just want it to magically happen, or not happen. Then I will move on."
"Oh, but I love Frank, or maybe it's the security I love".
Quote: My WAW has the same fears - she sees and acknowledges that I have changed for the better but her big fear is that she won't be able to get it back. How, if at all has your MC addressed this?
By pointing out that it won't come back overnight. And that SHE has to drop her barriers to letting it come back. Also, YOU need to go back in time and remember what you were like when she thought you were the greatest guy in the world.
Whatever happens will happen because of what YOU do to build her attraction to you.
