Quote: Your wife is nowhere near out of her MLC, Frank. She just got scared of actually having to move out & do things on her own. So she said the right words...
I have been thinking the same thing. My intuitive side has been nagging me that something isn't right - this was too sudden. But I've been hoping...
Quote: And because of the hope that her words gave you, you backed off from detaching and now you are catering to her. You getting up from reading last night to go make sure she wan't offended is a prime example. That was just ridiculous. IMO her response to YOU was RUDE. You are following her around like a dog that someone MIGHT turn around and pet. YOU are doing all the work and your wife is an unappreciative, spoiled brat.
That's part of what I've been saying - I'm trying TOO HARD and it comes across as needy. And yes, she does seem to be unapprociative and spoiled. After all, she can go off and have an affair, scream 'Divorce Divorce! Freedom! Find my path!" and then when she GETS it after affair fails she says what she has to to 'fix it' so she can say she 'tried'. At least that is what it looks like to me.
Quote: She's not trying to save the marriage. She's biding her time.
Do you think she has NO intention of saving it or is half heartedely trying? She has done a few things that seem to indicate she is making an attempt - however feeble. Got a book on relationships, sometimes she does flirt with me, or hug me on her own.
Since her big issues were not "I can't live on my own" but were more "I won't see the kids every night" when I said she was welcome to move out then I'm not sure what she is biding time FOR. That's never going to change if she divorces me so there is no point in putting it off. Instead, she should have played hardball on getting money out of the house (which I OFFERED her anyway).
And it wasn't like she just 'sat down' and said "I want to make this work", she was very humble and dramatic about it which for her indicates there was some real feelings behind it. But then, they could be fear.
I think I made a mistake by believing her and immediatly putting forward the effort. I should have stayed where I was and made it clear she had to win me back.
WHat do you think I should be doing right now?
I"m seeing Counselor tomorrow and I'll bring this up again. Her last bit of advice was to play hard to get, don't be so accomodating. Make her think I'm not that easy to win back. I think we'll talk about this and then she will see W on Thursday in individual.
Oh, here's something interesting. The other day D15 dropped her boyfriend (15 yrs old) and is now dating a 17 year old geek. Now, up until this BF15 was always over the house, or she was over there. But now it's the 'la la land' feelings she is chasing (again). This is part of being a teenager and W and I were talking about it. W said she did similar stuff at that age because the 'IN LOVE' feeling was exciting.
So, I said "Yeah, but that only lasts for a few months, then you have to actually deal with being in a real relationship" and W agreed with me. Interesting.
I almost want to say the her "Hey, this isn't going to work. You don't want to try because of yout fears and I don't really like you any more like that. I wanted a woman who lived with some passion too and you just don't. You expect someone else to do it for you. Well go find those 'someone elses' and after the newness of each one wears off see where you're left.
What's really tough is the sublte message it sends D10. She sees some of the 'flirting' and I know it makes her hopeful. She'll get hurt the most.
So much for a saved marriage...sigh. At least the things she keeps doing make me want her less and less. But it doesn't make it hurt less, it just makes me want to get away from her.
