An ok day so far. Did lots of gardening and spring type stuff outside around the house. Set up the water fountain we bought yesterday.
SInce the kids were around W was distanced. A couple times we touched but not much. SHe called her mom to wish her a happy easter and her mom asked her if we were getting back together. Interesting that she would do that. W told her we were still separated, seing a counselor and that we're building a positive relationship so then if we are in new relationships in the future we'll get along.
W told ME that her mom told her that a neighbor of theirs got divorced and then started getting along better afterwards. So I mentined that 1/3 of people who get divorced often get back together because one or both of them do the work needed to sustain a marriage, and 2/3 regret it at some point. She didn't have a reply.
Later I came up behind her and tried to be closer and she said 'that's not it'. I said well how will I know what IS 'it' (the passionate moves) if you don't tell me something?
She said "I don't think I can 'tell' you, it either is there or it isn't and I don't know what to do to rekindle it"
I said "well we can get some advice on how to do it" and she said "yes we can" but didn't seem too enthusiastic.
It sure is not going very well. She's still pretty neutral. Doesn't seem to feel much, rarely reaches out to me. I'm sure part of it is me. I'm not feeling confident and I truly don't know what to do.
But then again, she doesn't reach out much either. She's 'expecting' it to 'just happen'. Yet yesterday I saked her what she wanted and she said "A vacation in Hawaii, Passion, and world peace" I said "I can work on the first two but the third is a bit harder" and she said well I'll take the first two. Now earlier in the day we had been looking at the time share I own and the Hawaii locations.
So it's like she wants to 'plan' that we'll be together for a while but isn't really doing anything to make it happen. SHe's just 'showing up'. Yet she's also doing a lot of things to make the house look nicer outsides. Planting flowers, and we bought a $400 water fountain yesterday. So, it's like "are you planning on living here so you're doing all this?" or is she just 'trying it on" at my expense?
I really think I need to withdraw a bit, go gray, something. Become less acommadating. I don't know.
I know I am not ready for this part of the challenge. Maybe it's too soon. I'm barely out of depression and post-affair blues.
