I read your posts. Nice stuff. From the outside looking in I would not pay to attention to the remarks of separation and stuff. They hurt I know but what would you expect but a little back and forth. I am sure of all people you know that healing takes forward progress and then backsliding. So maybe in one ear and out the other would be a better solution than getting upset. Eaier said than done.
Something interesting happened to me yesterday. I thought you would be the only person to ask.
I just finished my 2004 and 2055 tax and I owe for 2004 and getting money back for 2005. So my wife calls me and talks to me about the money that owed for 2004. I said well their is a mistake so Ill have to correct it with our accountant but it should lower the amount we owe. She said great but then asked if I could pay my half?
Well that did not go over bad in me getting angery but it did set me off. So down the R talks we go just a little. I was good but this would have been perfect. I should have said OK no problem let me finish with the corrections and then we will meet and pay it together and be done with it.
I did not say that. I said other things regarding what the term "Half" means to me and I am sure you can add the rest.
One of her commnets to me was, "Why couldn't you just say, Ill take care of it (my portion) and not do the rest (talking about R)?"
So the conversation ended ok but I did ask her something which I should not have but...
I asked her if she was healing at all? She said "I am healing a little" She said it not verey nice but not mean either. She wanted to say it to me so i would have hope. the only two answers are no and yes. No this far along means more separation and a yes means hang in there.
Now I could be wrong but that is how I see it. What do you think? What was she doing with the money? Was she being an adult and wanting to be 50% of the R by asserting herself which I did not get and handle incorrectly.
And the comment that she is healing a little.
I have NEVER heard that before so was taken back by it. But, you know is it good bad a step in the right direction or nothing.
I also in the conversation told her that I would not sign another lease come June 2. Which later in the day I said I was sorry and that was I being manipulative and controlling and that I did not mean it. And that is something I am really trying to change for myself in that saying things I don’t mean just to influence the other person and that I was not going anywhere and that I would not leave her side or the kids. When I finished talking she was very at peace and said thank you.
Another interesting thing happened yesterday in between my talks with W
I called her when she was at Target yesterday and she picks up her cell and is frustrated with the kids and their behavior. Now since I have done this before she knew what I was going to do when I asked to speak to the boys. She hands them the phone I talk to them and she gets back on the phone. I tell her they should be better for you know. She says thank you and we finish small and talk and hang up. A few hours later (this was the time I had the above conversation with her regarding not leaving and standing by her) I asked how the boys did and she said better and thank you again. I would think if she was planning on leaving she would not want me to handle the boys when they are on her time and that she would not want to show me that she needs me to help. Its tuff to know from a WAW what is and what is not. Comments?
Shark
P.S. I agree with AmyC. I think you really can and did save this M. You never really know but the odds are in your favor and I was so happy to read what your C said in your very first posts. That what you do will make the outcome positive or negative.
