I think Corri has a valid point here. Like Lil said I believe that your descriptions of your wife's distancing are valid and I believe that she isn't invested in your SL the way you need. However, the limitations you place on yourself on this board are part of the problem. No one is able to really help you because you don't open up enough. That is your choice. I also believe that you aren't open at home. If that is the case then your W is aware that you want more sex but not of why or who you are inside. Why would she desire the outside shell of you? You don't desire the outside shell of her - the one who says "Let's take care of you now." In another R, with another couple that could even be said in an enticing, sexy way but in yours, you and W are hidden from one another between layers of Eskimo gear, unsaid things and when that is the case then nothing is enticing. So..it is up to you but I'll bet if you open up to Corri and others you will see improvement.
