Nothing different. It was just one of those nights where she did not reject me. There are many nights where I give my wife a rub down, mostly her legs and lower back. She likes this because it relaxes her. One problem with this is that the techniques that can arrouse her are also the same techniques that can put her to sleep, so it is a real fine line to toe. What I did last night I did 2 nights ago and it put her to sleep just as I thought she was being arroused.
I can have far more sex then I currently get if I just "Ask" for it. That effectively takes ALL the EC out of it. I can spend hours doing all kinds of nive things to her body, and then she rolls over and says "Ok, let's take care of you" like I am some kind of freaking chore. That's why I say that we have sex, but we never ML. Making Love requires that BOTH parties have a strong interest in sex. Since she has little interest in sex, I basically get table scrapes while she gets a 7 course meal. I read what the HD women on these boards like to do for their men, and that is LIGHT YEARS beyond what my wife does. I want a full blown partner in my sex life, not just a body to use.
I have always wondered why she needed to go to the bathroom EVERY time. I have often thought that she might have some aversions to fluids of sex since I believe that she was assaulted as a child, like maybe she would feel unclean or somethinig. Also, when compared to me, she has some real aversions to the bodily fluids involved in love making whereas almost nothing will gross me out. Now I can kind of understand, because she does get yeast infections easily, so maybe she does want to clean it out as much as possible.
What is involved in the Eskimo gear? Is there something you could buy her so she could be covered up, warm that is also attractive? Some silk pajamas or nightshirt? Something you could stand?
We have flannel sheets and a heavy comforter on the bed, so the problem is not lack of heat. If she were naked and curled up next to me, she would actually be plenty warm. The eskimo gear is intended to keep ME away (and I suspect that many women do this). She wears the flannel jammies and then has hot flashes and actually has to remove the bed coverings because she is so hot. She wouldn't be that hot if it was just me and her naked under the sheets. So I know what the eskimo gear is really for.
If she does get yeast infections easily I can absolutely understand why she would clean up quickly...those things can make a woman absolutely miserable!!!! YUCK! I'm glad you now understand what her motivation most likely is...so you won't take it personally.
In fact you might even get up first, go to the bathroom and bring her a nice warm washcloth. My XBF used to do this for me, and my H currently does as well. I find it a very thoughtful thing to do.
One of my H's favorite things for me to wear to bed are his big floppy flannel shirts. I don't get cold easily and don't normally like to sleep this way....BUT he likes them on me. I can imagine even something that simple might be a compromise between silk (could still not feel like much to some women) and eskimo gear. I know you would prefer her in nada, BUT...some folks just aren't comfortable sleeping like that. I guess my suggestion is....pick something of yours out of the closet that maybe she likes (and you like) and suggest she use it as a night shirt....wouldn't hurt to try it would it?
You are assuming the eskimo gear is to repel you....it's not all about you hon. I know you haven't had a chance to respond to my last post, since I just wrote it....BUT some people need the comfort/security of clothing while sleeping. Others, like you and I can feel confined by them.
My H feels completely strange sleeping without his underwear or pj bottoms on.
That would be an insensitive thing to say to your partner, and a very selfish one at that.
I for example.....cannot sleep with clothing on, I feel constricted...I toss and turn all night long, it feels strange to me. It's no different for someone who needs to sleep with clothing on. Geesh, this shouldn't be such a big deal.
There is room for compromise....telling someone "so feel strange" is absolutely not compromise.
You know, sometimes CeMar gets on people's nerves... I know. He does seem like a broken record, and often doesn't answer questions directly, etc.
BUT he is the authority on what is going on in his marriage. It can't all be coming from him. If I remember correctly, he and his W did have sex when they first married and then it changed. So he has a memory of what things used to be like. And according to him, she shows no particular desire or enthusiasm when they have sex now... and that's only been a few times in the last year.
As much as there have been times when I wanted to throttle him, I'm uncomfortable with trying to convince him that he's overreacting to her jumping up to wash after sex or wearing Eskimo gear to bed. Within the context of a non-SSM R, those things could be dealt with by having a damp towel next to the bed... a dual control electric blanket... by having her compromise and wearing a heavy turtleneck to bed with no bottoms... see what I'm getting at? CeMar's wife shows no interest in sex. He is sure of that, and I think we should believe him. I feel that it is dismissive of him to try to say that "oh well, here are the logical reasons why she does what she does." I'm not saying this very well, for some reason...
Okay. Let me try again. Others on the board describe rejecting behavior by their spouses and get sympathy, hugs, understanding. When CeMar describes rejecting behavior from his W, we rationalize it and suggest he's overreacting or imagining things, OR that he is causing it (not just CONTRIBUTING to it but CAUSING it) by his insensitivity. He is as deserving of compassion and understanding as any one of us. In some ways we've made him the whipping boy because he can be kind of annoying and doesn't respond to our questions. But all that notwithstanding, he IS describing rejecting behavior and it hurts.
Take the jumping up and washing thing... for a woman to do that, there are ways, and ways. The yukky way is as he describes: she jumps up immediately, runs to the bathroom, then covers herself completely in heavy pjs, and retires to her edge of the bed. You can't rationalize that into kind, loving behavior. I don't care how cold she is or how much she doesn't like the feel of fluids seeping out. She could convey this in a loving, sexy way by tucking a towel between her legs for a few minutes of snuggling, then going to wash with a complimentary comment about the volume of moisture , then put on a warm top and snuggle her bare bottom against him. Her behavior, as he describes it, is hurtful.
Yeah, he's whiny sometimes (as aren't we all?) but he is still hurting.
, then put on a warm top and snuggle her bare bottom against him. Her behavior, as he describes it, is hurtful.