Quote: She clearly needs to be independent, but how do I do help her do that without her falling on her face?
Why in the WORLD would you want to do that? Being independent (and I think BOTH of you need to understand this) means just that, you are NOT dependant on someone else, wether you like it or not, in sickness and in health, etc, etc, etc. It would probably be BEST for her to fall on her face, and then guess what, she'd blame YOU for not helping her I bet.
The point is you just give her what she is asking for. She wants to be independent, then fine, she can figure out a way to put gas in her car, pay the bills and get child care when it's "her turn" with the kids. That's what the real world, independent from you, is going to be like. Sure, she COULD go to OM for those things but then guess what...no more independence.
What I suspect she REALLY wants is to FEEL respected and treated as an adult (which she is not really behaving like) in matters such as finances. Of course, at this stage in the game, you don't have the means to make her feel that way and she is going to probably just have to do it the hard way.
As for you finally discovering your control thing, welcome to the club. I figured out early on that W felt that way and it came as a shock to me too...until I just sat back and looked at our life from her perspective. Keep doing this and you will figure all kinds of things out.
So, like I said, you let her be independent by allowing her to be just that, with all the good and bad that comes with it. If she falls on her face, well then I guess she didn't do a good enough job at, well, whatever she needed to do to prevent that from happening.
