First of all, I am sorry your are in a difficult time. It can be really hard and I totally understand that but...
If you hate DBing, then it won't work. I know you were venting but I have to believe that there is something to this. You have to LOVE DBing to have it truly work for you in my opinion. You have to WANT to be better and love the fact that DB helps you do that.
I think what you hate is that you can't clearly see progress in terms of her and that's what you value most of all. I think if you stop putting your eggs in her basket, she can't break them.
As for all you've been "doing" for her lately, well, I think that is still you trying to "fix" everything for her and even if your heart is in the right place, it may backfire. Sure, she is stressed at work, but aren't we all? You can't "help" her with that.
BTW, the hickey is not proof of anything, any more than my sighting a UFO is proof of ET. You suspect something and are looking to either prove or disprove it. It brings be back to your "hating DB". I think you hate the unknown. I think you hate not knowing what to do, what she's doing, whether you're going to D or not, whether you're going to cry or not, etc. I know that hate, I know it well, but I also know that it will consume you if you let it.
Learn to accept a certain amount of ambiguity in your life. Learn that life is by it's very nature, unpredictable and then stop trying to predict it. Once you do that, you may hate DBing less.
