I dont post much, but I had a thought reading through your thread and thought I'd share. My sitch is old, and basically resolved, but my H and I have been where you and your W are 6 years ago. We actually D'd and reconciled, but didnt get the counseling we needed to keep it together so here we are 6 years later.
Anyway... there is a key thing to detaching, GAL, and drawing your W back that you might be missing. And I believe if you look at the articles, there's a man who describes winning his W back by being her best friend. That's exactly what my H did when we D'd. You mentioned treating her like a princess.. and then in a later post you said that the strategy does not appear to be working. My comment to that is - she has to be your princess in your heart, no matter what she does, and it can't be a strategy just to win her back. This takes you healing and getting to a place where you love yourself enough to think of her as the icing on the cake of your life, instead of her being your life. This is very hard! At first, but over time it's easier. The key is to get through the withdrawal without pursuing or driving you and her crazy with the hurt and pain of separation.
After that's been accomplished and you are more content alone and not feeling addicted to her, you can set out to be her friend.. truly her friend. Offering to discuss her nightmare was great.. that's exactly what a friend would do. You didnt push, but you offered and she knows you're there for her because you want to be. That's important for her to know. That you love her no matter what. That she's your princess no matter what. That you're her friend no matter what. I think that's one of the reasons we're supposed to ignore the OP. They arent the issue, your relationship/friendship is the issue. If you can make that friendship a great one, whether you'll be together or not, then she might decide to try again in the future. If not, then it's good for the kids.. and what have you lost that you wouldnt have lost to begin with?
Ignore OP presence in her life (he's a bandaid!).. treat her like a princess because you feel that way for her and it will shine through. Don't just do it to "show" her how you've changed.. do it as an honest show of love and affection for all the things you love about her. If it's just a technique, she'll know, if it's sincere, she'll see that. I mean.. what greater show of love than a friend who's there for you even when you've rocked their world?
One other thing. If you come face to face with OM, be kind to him. Greet him nicely, shake his hand and be a gentleman. I'm serious about this My XH did this when I dated after the D and my BF was rude as hell. It showed me clearly who the better man between the two was. I've always respected my XH that he held his head up and decided not to pout or cause a scene.
My XH did this when I dated after the D and my BF was rude as hell. It showed me clearly who the better man between the two was. I've always respected my XH that he held his head up and decided not to pout or cause a scene.