just got back from IC. He thought it may help him to help me if she would call him or go for a visit to give her version of how I act, that way it's not just my opinion. Also thought that for the time being maybe some type of medication would help me. I was really overwhelmed before I went there today, couldn't stop thinking about my W. But afterwards I felt much better. The doc and I kind agreed that I just nee to take it minute by minut...then hour by hour..then day by day and so on. He also says in time it will get better.
On thing I do know is that this really is my last chance to save this marriage. She has no interest at this point. So any more setbacks and that's it. I have to do the right thing now. I have to be able to get my emotions under control and I have to stop worrying about her...in order to save my own sanity.
As far as whether she is or is not having a full blown PA...I don't know. Probably is and is trying to protect more feelings or something. Either way it doesn't matter I have to stop dwelling on it. I know all of this...now if I can only do what I know I have to.
A few things that give me hope, maybe a second or third opinion would help. But she always says that she has no interset in working things out NOW. That seems to leave it open a little to me, maybe I'm wrong. Also jokingly the other day I we were talking about sex and I asked if she thought we'd ever do it again and she said "I'm sure there will be times, a girl can't take care of it herself all the time. So I'm sure there will be times." This also leaves it open to me, also tells me if she is willing to have sex with me "at times" that whatever is going on with her "friend" isn't a committed R. Maybe she's just waiting for me to change, maybe she's just testing the waters. I don't know.
But I know what I have to do, and I know what I can't do any more of.
