Just because you claim to not have any sexual abuse in your FOO (family of origin) doesn’t mean you don’t have some MAJOR issues to deal with, issues that appear to me to be very repressed. There are plenty of things that can cause someone to have sexual aversions, to become a religious crusader or other type of extremist. Can you give us some insight to your parents or other relatives significant in your childhood? Were they controlling, domineering, shaming, ultra religious, sort of like the mother in the movie “Carrie?”
Maybe you have a need to cover up some past hurt, so rather than address that, you turn to something which is indisputable – religion. It is all too easy to find believers and followers who will respect you because of the veracity of your beliefs. The more of a martyr you can make yourself, the more “pure” and free of sin you can rationalize yourself, the more you can convince yourself that you are closer to God and in essence, better than others. But in so doing, you have committed what I believe to be the greatest sin of all, and that is lying to yourself. Asexuality has nothing to do with this. It is only another symptom of your sickness (which if I my suspicions are correct), which is usually call narcissism. Don’t worry, we all have aspects of this. It is a big club.
You have a strong underlying anger, which you try to cover up with your “niceties.” It is good you are aware of this, but its influence still is evident in your comments. I sympathize with your FOO, I know it must have been very difficult for your mother and she surely did the best she could. But I doubt she, or anyone else, could do a “good” job in that type of situation. As Blackfoot asked you, where did you fall among the 8 kids? If you were older, I cannot see how you did not have to assume a lot of parenting duties. The is a lot from this that shapes who you are. So lets crack that exterior shell and take a peek inside, shall we?
