Not much to say, just trying to catch up. Although I agree that you have to do what you have to do - for YOU and you alone. Whatever it may be....wherever the path may take you. You seem like a great, thoughtful guy. Your W will be losing a whole lot more than she realizes if you should decide to end things.
In the meantime, keep working on you and enjoy your D while she's still little...they grow up too fast!
Quote: I agree that you have to do what you have to do - for YOU and you alone. Whatever it may be....wherever the path may take you.
No, not for me alone. My D's happiness has to figure into the equation, and I'll even consider my W's, to a lesser extent --she would ultimately find it very hard to forgive herself if there were a divorce. But, yes, my happiness counts too; and none of us would truly be happy if I took my W back the way she is.
Quote: In the meantime, keep working on you and enjoy your D while she's still little...they grow up too fast!
That's what hit me while we were at Disneyworld, and why I want more.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Hi RB, Just checking in on your thread, and I must say it appears you are doing GREAT! Your genuine detachment is giving you some perspective, and your observations without reactions are really great to see. I believe things are brewing under the surface here, in new and important ways. Stay lovingly detached. Continue to observe, and not get hooked in. I really like your plans for improving the already great YOU! More later :-)
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
Quote: Hi RB, Just checking in on your thread, and I must say it appears you are doing GREAT! Your genuine detachment is giving you some perspective, and your observations without reactions are really great to see. I believe things are brewing under the surface here, in new and important ways. Stay lovingly detached. Continue to observe, and not get hooked in. I really like your plans for improving the already great YOU!
Thanks, PL. I also think things are brewing, but we'll have to wait and see what comes out of it.
I've been reading David Cunningham's book and daily emails (www.makingherhappy.com), and recognizing that I've recently been the "wuss" that women lose attraction for. According to his theory, my catering to my W's whims has driven her away, because women are naturally attracted to strength and being her doormat is the opposite of that.
I'm already getting some results with some of his stuff. Yesterday, W picked D up from school and came by. She mentioned something again about having lost weight, so instead of telling her that she looked good, I told her to stand up and let me see. Then I told her to "turn around (she turns) ... and let me see your butt." I then Mmm-hmm'ed appreciatively and she giggled when she realized I had tricked her into letting me leer at her posterior. Later, I mentioned that D and I were going to the movies, and since Thursday was her night for D, I told her it wouldn't be a problem if she came too (not really an invitation). "Oh! I want to come too." It turned out she had to work, but that's the first time she's wanted to go out somewhere with me and D in over a month.
She also asked me to keep an eye out for anyone who might want a puppy, since OM is leaving and she doesn't want to keep him by herself. I'm still not at all sure that OM isn't going to back out of the Army thing, but I guess we'll see.
If he does leave, it will be interesting to see what happens.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Well, W went out to eat with D and me tonight (the first family "date" in over a month) and, later, snuggled with me a little on the couch as we watched a DVD.
A revealing comment: at one point, she mentioned the rising real estate prices here in Baton Rouge (way up since Hurricane Katrina) and said, "We should have bought a house a year ago when we had the chance." I'm thinking to myself, "Wouldn't fighting over a house have made the last few months just that much more fun," but that was almost certainly a statement of her ultimate vision of the future.
The next time she comes over, I'm going to be busy GAL or something -- I don't want to be ahead of where she is right now.
I think I'm starting to come around again to wanting a M with her, but I'm not going to allow it to really restart until and unless I'm comfortable with who W is as a person and I'm sure I can respect and trust her.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Hi RB, Your post is titled "W is making progress" but I say, YOU are making progress! Cuddling on the couch, first family date in over a month, and still remaining detached! Wow, I hope you are keeping a solutions journal and monitoring your goals, action steps and your W's baby steps. Because I am seeing some! Meanwhile, your GAL strategy and detachment are really healthy and I am very very pleased to read where you're at. Although I do not hold on to my H's future talk as promises, it is nice to hear and important that you note these steps your W is taking. Continue to appreciate your W's efforts and remain detached (I know, sometimes easier said than done!). But you are doing it - keep up the good work.
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
Thanks, PL. OM was out of town today, so W had D over at the love nest for part of the day. I turned down an invite to go swimming there with them (remembering not to accept every invite from W, but to keep some distance and let her pursue me a little).
When I picked D up later, what should I see on the fridge but a copy of OM's Army enlistment pledge. I think he's supposed to go in a couple of weeks, after his father's wedding. I'm still somewhat skeptical that he'll actually go through with it -- he's really not the Army "type," as I've said.
I keep waiting for W to initiate an R talk about what happens after OM is gone, but she hasn't so far, which is weird, because she used to talk to me about him all the time. It could be that she simply doesn't know whether or not his going to basic training and then AIT amounts to the end of their R or whether it will continue in a long-distance capacity. It could be that she's decided that it will end, but doesn't want to tell me because she's afraid that I would just ask her why she doesn't end it now. It could be that she's afraid to initiate an R talk with me right now because she's afraid that I might still file for divorce. Who knows? At least those questions aren't keeping me awake at night.
I also came to the realization today that (we're still assuming he actually goes, remember?) I don't think OM is going to "move out" when he goes to basic training. That is, I think he's going to leave all his stuff in their apartment. W certainly hasn't made any comment about wanting to move back or anything about getting rid of her apartment.
Anyway, it seemed to be a good day for some idle speculation.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
