Quote: RB, are you sure that you don't really want your wife?
I don't want her the way she is. I am quite sure of that. I'm not willing to take her back without serious change, and I'm not optimistic that those changes will occur, even if OM is out of the picture.
Quote: dig deep in your heart (under the protective armour) for the love you once had for your wife
Oh, there's still some love in there, of course. Sure, there was bitterness about (for me internally, anyway) the end of my marriage and the realization that the person I thought I married was someone else. Part of me feels that the person I loved never really existed. But that wave of bitterness has largely passed.
Boy does this sound like me! I def. do NOT want W to come back as a brokenspirited, passive, shell of a person... My W (and yours it seems) need to do some growing up and learn to take responsibility for their role in a marriage. And thinking OM is the answer is not doing so. All us DBers KNOW that only YOU can make you happy; someone else can't fix your life. Until your W and mine figure this out and stop holding on to the hope that they can have a R w/ OM... they won't be happy.
And yes, there is bitterness (?) anger, confusion on my part also about WHO this person was that I've been living w/ esp for the past 5 years. So I GET where you are at. Thing is you have to make a choice every day when you get up (as I do) that you are NOT going to do anything counter productive to YOUR mental wellbeing, NOR to W's best interests. That doesn't mean be a doormat...but I don't make snide comments to her even when the sitch calls for me to blast her out of the park. So be supportive of her efforts to be w/ your D, don't slam her when she doesn't do what a "good Mom" would do and if it isn't something that can be harmful to your D, just let it go. My W was, still MOSTLY is, a highly involved parent. But last year when she was in deep w/ OM she only spent the time she HAD to w/ the kids; never had the time to come to S11 ball games on her days off (OM was off too) and W was only working 2 days a week!
