W31, OM20, part II

[RBinBR]

Thanks, GH. DivorceBusting is for people who are committed to working to save their marriages. I am no longer so commmitted, though I'm by no means ruling out a reconciliation either. Everyone on these boards has to decide what they want for their lives. I'm not sure anymore, and it seems silly to me to continue to work for a M that I don't really know if I want. It also seems silly for me to base my life on a plan for my W to change in the fundamental ways that would be necessary for me to be happy in a M with her.

All that said, it's clear that many of the principles in DB are things that I will continue to use in my life.

I am going to focus on me right now and on continuing to become my own man. I'm not going to rush into a divorce. What would be the point of that? I'm not trying to "end the pain" or "get revenge" or "show her" or any of the usual reasons that an LBS would file.

I don't need to start dating, nor do I have anyone in mind. The last thing that I need is a rebound relationship. I'm going to wait until if and when I have a divorce that's final before bringing that baggage into a new relationship (I'll have enough baggage already). I'm going to be very smart and completely process my marriage before I start looking for someone else. (And I'm only 33, so my desire to have more kids doesn't mean that I don't have plenty of time.)

There is no way I would even file without a lot of prayer and thought to make sure that I'm doing what God wants and what's best for my daughter, and not just what I want. It might very well end up that I never file, out of my daughter's considerable interest in having one family instead of two.

In any case, all that should give my W plenty of time to change her mind. As I've said, if she decides to give up the OM and work on the marriage, I'll work on it as well.

I guess, if you choose to look at it this way, what I'm doing isn't really that different from the "after the last resort" or the "last, last resort" technique of simply cutting everything off and hoping that the WAS comes back. I'm not doing this with that intention, however, and the other difference is that I've made it clear to my W that she isn't welcome to come back the way she is.