Out of all the sitches that I have read on this board in my 3 and a bit years here, your's has sickened me the most. However, I kept on reading and you have been a great source of strength for me and for that I am grateful.
If I can comment briefly to you. I think that right now, you are going through a terrible crisis in yourself. You are having an awakening but rather than allowing it to flourish, you are trying pushing it along and that is not good.
The things that you have come to realize such as you wanting more children and wanting a motherly type are all good things. In any M, giving and taking are essential and in your M, you made the decision to give up those things and now, you are seeing the opportunity to make them right again.
I so totally agree with you. What your W has done to you is despicable and reprehensible. You should be feeling compassion for her instead of anger because she is not well. She is not a normally functioning human being inside her head. However, there can be no excuses for what she has chosen to do and while you can forgive her, only the world's greatest fool could ever decide to trust her again. This is where the showstopper lies for you. The fact that you can never trust her again. Never trust her to be faithful, never trust her to be loyal, never trust her with your children and never trust her with your future.
The ability to forgive is one of God's blessings and we should take it. It is a gift we give to ourselves so we don't imprison ourselves in anger. Trusting is a completely different and separate issue.
There is never a more important time in your life that you need DBing. You mission now if your choose to accept it Jim, is to rebuild your and your D's lives. If DBing pinned all it hopes on averting a D, then it would be a complete failure. Where DBing excels at, is to help you become the person you were meant to be. Not the person that because of you continually compromising and continual sacrificing. You're already starting to see the real you. I suggest that there is plenty more to go.
Suit
"It's better to have no spouse than have a bad spouse"
