Hi RB,

Thanks for the comments on the sexual fantasy issues you have struggled with. I find it interesting because I have come from such an opposite place. I had just turned sex off, particularly since H had withdrawn. So I am now trying to wake myself back up. Most of my sexual fantasies have been centered on my H, and that has helped me feel perky and alive and flirtatious around him again, helped to wake up an aspect of my love for him. But recently a friend gave me some books (I guess they are sexual/romantic fantasy books for women) which is a new genre for me as I am studying for my PhD and most of my reading is not as fun as this stuff. As of course I don't want to be so wrapped up in my H that I can't imagine a life without him being with me. I have to leave room for other choices, even though my commitment is to our M and to him. So the swashbuckling rogue characters from another century are useful to me right now and relatively helpful rather than harmful in keeping me in touch with an important aspect of myself. So it seems the key in this arena, as with all things, is balance. So that we can be our best selves, and not be out of balance and owned or driven by something. How to be alert and awake and alive and responsive and creative, without being demanding or desperate or overly intense or unhealthy or controlling. Unconditional love, for ourselves as well as others. Life work.

PositivelyListening
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When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller