You are doing fine. I know the feeling of trying to drop the old passive/aggressive thing, only to have it backfire. I have tired this a few times with my W and she hardly ever takes it the way I mean it. I can't be specific, but suffice to say that it's almost as important to accept their response as uncontrollable as it is to be honest. I think I, and maybe you, in the past would get too wrapped up in what they may do or think if we do or say some certain thing. As OT says, we tried to manage their emotions. We tried to in effect, control them.
I think what you did was not in the spirit of DB, what with the no R talk rule and all, but sometimes you need to take risks and make your own decisions, then live with them. You did that. You did what you thought was best at the time and judging from your post afterwards, you owned your decision. It seems like she realized you were just trying to be honest and help and so in the end, it may have worked out fine.
