W31, OM20, part II

[RBinBR]

OK, I just figured out what's really been eating at me and why I got so upset on Sunday.

When my W told me that she was inviting OM back, she said that she was going to do it with "an understanding," (which she had never done before) that they would get married if they could stay together the two years until a D from me was possible.

She clearly didn't think that would happen, as this was right after (part of the same conversation) she rejected the 5-week offer, because she didn't want to get divorced.

In other words, she didn't really believe that it would work between her and OM, but she wanted to give him the chance. She was afraid of being alone and wanted to keep her marriage with me as backup when it failed with OM.

All this, of course, was only 36 hours after telling OM that it was over and packing him up and sending him to his mom's house in Florida to live.

Sunday evening, part of my despair was that I seemed to have lost ground through the weekend as a whole. While before she was simply shacking up with OM, now she was planning to have "an understanding" (basically an engagement) with him.

Now, of course, I think that she's back to ending it with the OM, but I'm really troubled by the fact that she was seriously planning a marriage to him on Sunday.

It hurts, and there's no denying it.