Quote: If anyone can point me to some reading on the DB approach to affairs and how to deal with them I would appreciate it.
Actually, Michelle touches more upon this in Divorce Remedy (in fact, there is a section devoted to it). Essentially, and I am paraphrasing, it tells us to, the extent possible, to ignore the affair and try to rebuild a better relathionship with the WAS. Don't pressure, get a life of your own and deal with the A as best you can. Obviously it takes a lot of patience to do this, but I think the advice is sound. I guess the caveat here is only you can identify what level of A activity you are willing to live with, if any. Yes, self-respect and boundary setting is also very important. Don't become a doormat, but also recognize that forcing the issue is not going to help anyone.
I do apologize if my prior post was harsh and I am sorry if I misread your prior post.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
