Quote: I have read Divorce Busting and found it to be very interesting and useful, unfortunately it is very clear to me that the techniques are not very useful while the affair is ongoing, and I don't know how much longer I can grin and bear it while she keeps it going.
Really? What makes it very clear that the techniques, WHEN applied properly, are not useful?
Secondly, why do you have to grin and bear it? Do you think you can force her to stop? If you do, then what? Can you force her to want to be with you again?
Quote: have told my aunt and uncle and my wife's parents about it in an effort to put some pressure on them, and there is no doubt in my mind that this took them out of the honeymoon stage, but they are still at it, and still in la-la land.
I assume by this action you are not practicing DBing? Clearly telling these people could just as well, and more likely than not, alienate her further and give her MORE reason to continue, not less. These people have NO clue what you are going through and their advice could be...well, who knows what it could be.
You are trying to force her hand, plain and simple and that is totally against the spirit of DBing. You said you didn't think DBing worked. Are you trying to make it work or is that based on other people's threads?
Quote: I have no doubt that this affair stands in the way of making any sort of constructive progress in our marriage - which leads me to want to try anything in my power to bring the affair to an end. Anyone have any ideas?
Um, usually it isn't about the affair. That is a symptom, not the entire problem. Sure, it's preventing progress, but it's not the only thing. How about addressing whatever else led to this? How about working on what you CAN control, YOU and stop trying to control her? You can't do it, period.
I think there is great hope for you, but if you reject the ideas supported by this site then it will be hard to practice them.
