I second the advice here and think you need to takes as forceful action as necessary to get her to the counselor. So what if she thinks you are leaving her? I see 4 good reasons to do this:
1. Rattling her cage will get her attention and move her off-center, thus allowing you and her to begin some growth. 2. She will come to learn (fairly quickly I think) that you are not leaving her but in fact are so committed to her that you are willing to take such strong measures 3. Waiting for her to WANT to go is pointless. How can she ever come to want something she cannot even comprehend? Isn’t this the very same argument she is throwing at you about being June cleaver, which you can see is groundless? 4. Her issues are so deep you have no other choice. You need a professional.
Lastly, I don’t see why you are so down for your future. Not long ago you were more optimistic that you could find some way to please her and rebuild intimacy. But you were not facing the truth as you are now. But you were happier, but ignorant of the fact you now know. Now you are actually one step further down the road toward healing. Gaining this realization that you need to make a push is no small matter. Give yourself credit.
