Thanks to all who replied to my post, I appreciate it.
Boundary setting is about YOUR behavior. It is not about making the other person do something. It is not about threatening them with dire consequences to THEM unless they do what you want. It can in fact work that way, but that is not the primary intent. It is sometimes a side effect.
Lil, what you are saying here really makes sense. I would fight tooth and nail if someone told me outright that I try to control H....but I see in fact that I do try to control how H *treats me*. I am confused on what boundaries are and I try to figure out ways to basically *make* him be nicer to me. Doesn't work, does it? Thanks for helping me to understand this.
You can request something, and then if he doesn't do it, you can leave, do it some other way, do it yourself, leave it undone. YOU CANNOT MAKE HIM DO ANYTHING.
Intellectually, I understand this. So, what do people mean when they ask 'why do you put up with it?' What are you gonna do about it? Like right now for instance. H is ignoring me. I'd love to 'not put up with it' to show him that 'he can't treat me this way'. But how?
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
