What Happened with the Schnarch Movement???

[NotATLDave]

Remember that undifferentiated people want others to fuse into their own system of weakness. By saying "don't ever blah blah blah...", we might actually be trying to engineer that person's role inside our own system and they may trying to do the same to you. So be careful with boundaries and what is defined as a boundary. It might be a "fusion fantasy".

I can't cross his boundaries as easily as he seems able to cross mine

Understand that you have two different personalities and that's just "who you are". My W might complain that I never blah blah blah but that she always does blah blah blah. Instead of apologizing, I usually just say..."I guess that's the difference between you and me". It sounds like an a-hole thing to say but you shouldn't allow yourself or your partner to view ANY aspect of the relationship as "because I do this...you should too".

Wanting your anyone to mirror *your* values is plain is one thing, it's a bit misguided, but the act of punishing them for not sharing your values is absolutely wrong. In between there's an area where you look at their values, examine the differences, and look at it in more of a judgemental way. You ask yourself can I tolerate a person with these values? How much of myself does this person deserve? This applies to your relationships with everyone.