Because, doing these things wouldn't make me happy. It's having H *accept* me doing these things that would make me happy. Trying to sleep in my bed and having H say 'I'm not ready for this yet' or worse, is not my idea of fun. Trying to kiss H only to have him get angry with me because 'I know how he feels about that' is also not my version of fun. But if he, by chance, went along with it, then that would make me happy. I'd have to have thick skin to handle the kind of rejection that comes from trying to kiss your H only to have him both reject you AND be pissed.
Maybe in my case, it would be making what I want known, rather than actually doing it? See, these are sort of boundaries that he's created for whatever reason, valid or not. I can't cross his boundaries as easily as he seems able to cross mine. It sounds ridiculous to say, but I'm scared to do it. Not scared he's going to hit me or anything like that. Just emotionally scared. And not sure if it's even a good idea in the first place to cross these boundaries.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
