What Happened with the Schnarch Movement???

[Fighting4Wife]

Lurking and now commenting.

This is powerful stuff. The bell rings loundly on the compartmentalizing statement.

See, sex used to fix all my needs - touch, anxiety control, stress-release, desire, and the actual need for sex. Compartmentalizing my needs has allowed me to address each one with or without my W. In the end, I only want sex with her about 3 times a month rather than a couple times a week. Touch and stress-release was a biggie and I've solved it with massage twice a week. It's not a sexual thing (especially when the guys do it). Anxiety control has been addressed with a combination of things - cognitive approaches (nip it in the bud) combined with meditation and breathing. MB helps a bit too. Now, if she wasn't such a willing participant, I might be inclined to (with permission) seek the sex part elsewhere...even my W says "sex is sex and love is love". She'd be really easy to cheat on if she wasn't so damn nice all the time. ;-).

I could have worte this verbatim. This is where my hang ups are! My primary LL is physical touch. I seek this to be satisfied by my W, who is willing to oblige but in a non willing or rather limited mode. So I jump into the ring and wave the red flag seeking more to meet my need. Large need, small amount = more small amounts to meet large need.

So I need to look at oursourcing (love that term) and get some of the other small amounts taken care of so her small amounts top off the tank per se.

Wonderful and elightening post. In this approach I can see my W's efforts of 1 x per week for sex (2 if I push, but I would have little need to push) being enough to meet the rest of my needs and in turn relieve the pressure for her to be "on" at all times in our relationship. It will create space for her and a more relaxed environment!

Brilliant.

F4W