Quote: The measurement of success should be finding a working situation that you are (basically) happy with. Most of our misery from this comes from our own failure to do the things listed above. Once you do these things, you will be surprised how bright the world looks and how you might not need as much sex as you thought. Your self confidence that comes from this will make you not really care if you are "desired".
Dave,
I appreciate the advice, and I'm glad these principles have made you happier, I really am. But the above state that you describe, I must say, holds absolutely no appeal to me.
This is a "sex-starved marriage" board, and most of us found it by looking for resources to help us have more, and more satisfying, sex in our marriages -- particularly ones with clashing libidos. As I have stated repeatedly on here, it seems to me that, applying SSM's and PM's principles have led to basically three types of people on here:
1) Those for whom it's not working -- they're still not having any more sex, and/or the sex they are having is no more satisfying than before; and they are therefore still unhappy;
2) Those that still aren't having any more sex, and/or the sex they are having is no more satisfying than before, but they have applied "Get A Life", "self-soothing", "differentiation" and other principles to help them be more content in their still-sexless (or sex-starved) marriages.
I've called this "Hey, I'm still not gettin' any, but don't my triceps look really nice now!"
3) People named "NOPkins."
Initiating over and over again (you say "every night") and getting repeatedly rejected is not "bravery" to me, it's folly. Were it to lead to an actual return to my wife's former level of desire (or even something resembling it), I would steel myself against the wind and plow forward.
Sadly, I think I (and CeMar, and maybe some others) ARE looking for "my wife to become more HD", or at least return to something resembling the level and the quality of the desire she used to have for me. The lead paragraph on the back cover of Michele's book says:
"Bring the spark back into your bedroom and your relationship with gutsy and effective advice from bestselling author Michele Weiner Davis"
To simply become more accepting and more skillful in handling her rejection and my lack of a satisfying sex life holds ZERO appeal to me. I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm in the wrong place.
