What Happened with the Schnarch Movement???

[NotATLDave]

but I'm not sure how to do that in the absence of me initiating.

Initiate

I can tell you that were I to initiate every time I wanted sex, things would get MUCH worse in my house--not better

That's a negative prediction. You are preserving your system with that. Bad girl.

If and when you are ready to change the marriage, then you need to push out of the comfort zone. So initate. If things get worse, then let them get worse. But what do you mean by worse? You mean your H will feel like less of a man? Will he "look" like less of a man to you? Will he reject you/your feelings/your desires with disrespect? Will he retreat? Then you have something to work through. By refusing to assume that role, you are preserving your own system and you know it.

I can see the concearn from the HD ladies...you don't want to immasculate your spouse. I may be going out on a limb, but the issue is probably less about how *they* actually respond and more about *your* need to believe that they are the big "virile man". Can you make a system work where you are the sexually dominant initiator? Can you still be attracted to him in that system? Your avoidance of a dominant role means that you are creating somewhat of an artificial reality. Schnarch talks about this...that the person we married never turns out to be the person we married. So is this is how your life will be? An endless cycle of frustration relieved by an online support group. I'm not knocking it if this is acceptable to you.

I'm fairly content with my sitch and I don't feel the need to change anything. Maybe that's actually where you are and maybe this site is your way of keeping yourself occupied. I'm keeping myself occupied by living in the wackiest, most difficult countries in the world...by the end of the day, I just want to go to bed.