I wish you would post more…. your comments seem to get the point across so much better than I. That explanation of walking along the abyss is right on.
While I have been pushing your phrase of “rattling the cage,” I wonder what people understand from that term. To me, the only rattling that needs to be done is to prompt your spouse into making a decision which is needed to move forward. That decision needs to be presented as a two choice dilemma. Only that particular dilemma needs to be addressed, so the rattling only needs to be proportional to that choice.
Too large of a rattle can feel like manipulation and coercion to the other person. But in my mind, it still is manipulation, even if it is only indirectly made. Personally I have no problem with this as long as I believe my objective is not self serving but for the good of both partners, as best I can determine. I wonder if people think rattling the cage means in-your-face confrontation, which is scaring them off? I just thought I’d try to clear that issue. Does this sound like what you have in mind?
