The only way my wife could NOT realize the extent of my unhappiness is if:
1) She thinks the 15-20 earlier "come-to-Jesus" conversations we had in our marriage about the subject were not genuine on my part;
2) She thinks the complete soul-baring, gut-wrenching, pour-my-heart-out sessions that I had with her 4-1/2 years ago, when I considered leaving, were just so much hooey on my part;
3) She suddenly lost her ability to read me , which I highly doubt, as she's "a", very good at this, and "b" has always said to me "Choc., you are an open book, emotionally -- you wear your feelings on your face, and indeed your entire body."
No, she knows. She's just some combination of
unwilling doesn't care to confused as to how
to do something about it.
And for my part, I very much know how unhappy SHE is. There are times when i think she is even borderline depressed. I think she wants -- needs -- me to be the happy, cheerful, masculine, confident guy that she married, and I even think she wants me to WANT her; but she also wants to not have to actually DO anything or make any real changes to give me the things I would need to have in order to feel and act that way.
She wants to be seen by me as sex-Y, but without having to have any actual SEX with me.
But you are correct, I am taking no real risks . . . currently. I decided, for right or for wrong, that I have bared my soul to her for the last time and that the ball is in her court. One day, she may decide to pick it up when she thinks it's important enough. But I am no longer willing to do so.
