I do agree with what you’re saying as well. I guess when I made those comments to Choc, I was thinking more along the lines that a situation would already have to be close to needing a last resort type of effort. Most of us, including myself, will take things in steps, gradually turning up the pressure since we don’t really know what it will take to push our spouse off center and get him/her working on their issues. Taking too big a of a step risks overstepping and applying more pressure than needed, possibly creating even bigger problems.
So going to counseling by oneself may be enough to get things moving. But maybe it isn’t. I think the size of the “push” needed is directly related to the amount of dysfunction and work needed to be done. If your spouse is truly psychotic, no amount of self counseling (or “pushing”) will get them to budge. That is why the courts allow you to commit your spouse for a certain period of time. It is for their own good and safety and the safety of others. That is an extreme example.
But once you know a certain level of strong medicine is needed, I think it should be given. Otherwise, as you say, you need to just get comfortable with what you have, or get out. Since so many here have not decided to give the medicine, but have also not decided to get out, I assume they are just trying to find a way to rationalize getting comfortable with their misery. I won’t do this.
