That's exactly how I see things too. But I'm not quite so fatalistic about the outcome. I am willing to bet that part of the reason the success rate is so low is that most of the people here are not in counseling. Trying to work through your own issues by yourself is very difficult and slow. If the spouse is not getting some type of feedback (on a board like this or in counseling), but only hearing what s/he should do from her spouse, I think it safe to say NO progress will be made there.
What I see from this board is that a lot of folks here have not taken the lessons to heart, faced the hard choices and implemented the changes needed to advance their relationship. I am hoping the veterans might have seen some of the successes come about and can tell us how that happened, and what it is in their situation that differed from those successes to keep them and others from moving forward.
