I am so sorry to hear of your sad situation, as I can only imagine how painful it must be for you. I must tell you, that I think you are on the right track. You are seeing a counselor, and realizing that you are depleted and grieving. So many important losses in such a short time. I have not read any of your earlier posts, but it sounded like you have been coming here for a while and you have been working the DB program. It definitely sounds like it is time for you to replenish yourself and take care of your own needs for a while. I suggest that you focus on that, rather than your marriage right now. Your husband does not sound reliable right now (is he in MLC - how old is he?) but regardless he is not meeting your needs as a partner right now. So you will need to do everything in your power to get yourself replenished. Some of the things I am doing right now on a regular basis are massage, manicures & pedicures, shopping for new clothes, beach walks with friends, exercise, taking classes. Do you go to church, or have you ever? Do you have close friends who love you support you and get who you are? Start making some dates - maybe even book a trip. I am going to see one of my closest friends in Canada in two weeks. I can understand the concern about the financial situation. However, if your husband really wants to remain "friends no matter what" then perhaps you need to ask him for reassurance that he will not try to hurt you in this way, so you will not feel so vulnerable.
Personally, I have decided that my finances are a way of keeping control. I try not to sound overly niaive about this, but I believe that I will be taken care of in life, and so far this has been true. I try to manage my money well, and be "good steward" but any fear I have about money isn't usually about someone else, it's about me. I encourage you to take care of yourself right now (even if it costs you a little bit of $$) and not to jump into the attorney money protection mode unless you have reason to think your husband is no longer trustworthy. Are you committed to your marriage? If you are, don't control or push him away in this regard. Is it possible that your husband already feels powerless around the finances? Some men have deep issues with low self-esteem when the work arena has not gone so well. This may have been the instigation for his affair. I know you are depleted right now. But he may be too, and he just did the wrong thing to boost his batteries. You have an oportunity to do the right thing right now, and begin to take care of yourself. I recommend a warm bubble bath by candle light ASAP.
I will keep an eye out for you. Please keep posting.
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
