The interesting conversation I had the other night (mentioned above) revolved around my wife's desire for breast implants to prop up her once ample bosom.
I have been quietly nixing the procedure without coming out and saying 'no way,' until the other night when she forced the subject. She pushed and I said given that she wants a divorce, why should I agree to finance 50% for a gift for her boyfriend?
This conversation was going on in front of the kids, so we were dancing around certain things and spelling others. She actually had the audacity to assert that she should have control of our disposable income since she is (now) the sole breadwinner....
The tiff worked around to why things finally tipped in favor of divorce - namely that I didn't try very hard to show her that I wanted her while she was in the second evaluatory phase since we came to the brink of divorce last Fall.
An acquaintance of both of us ascertained this a few months ago in a conversation with her and he prodded me to pursue her. I tried half-heartedly (it's tough when she is regularly screwing another man) and I asked both her best friend and our marriage counselor about this theory. They both told me 'no way' that's not what she wants right now.
DBing also says 'don't pursue,' so I backed off. Again, with her actively involved in an intimate monogamous relationship with another man, I found the idea of trying to woo her a rather daunting task.
My wife's main problem with me over the years has been that I am no longer that guy who was ga-ga over her like in our first 6 months of courtship. Our sex life was good, we were affectionate, but after eating steak every day for 13 years, I had a hard time acting like I couldn't take my eyes or hands off of her. I loved her, she loved me, we have two wonderful kids a relatively normal sex life, what could be so wrong?
Now I am being faulted once again for not acting like a young lover around her. This is her psychological crutch - to be adored.
She has already said that the shine is wearing off with OM, and it probably has something to do with the fact that they have been intimate for nearly a year now and I imagine he isn't all dizzy with excitement when he sees her any more. She is like an attention junkie and will have to hop from lover to lover to keep that high she needs. Too bad for our kids....
Yes, I could have been more attentive, but my informal survey tells me that I'm not all that unusual. But her faulting me for not pursuing her takes the cake.
Given her wants and needs, should I have abandoned the DBing tenet that says 'don't pursue'?
