Thanks Tim and Gwyn. With regards to the comment about OM, the 'ultra moral' label was my attempt at sarcasm or irony. He is moral enough to feel uncomfortable about dating a married woman, but he apparently has no problem in taking part in breaking up a family with two small children.
Is he shallow enough?
With regard to hiding her affair: Virtually all of our friends and acquaintences know about the affair. Those that don't know are our families, her colleagues at work (OM shares a cubicle with her), and friends that are close to family members. W had suffered some amount of shame from friends and their extended families. She is a strong person and while not unfazed, she has weathered their disgust quite well so far.
Regarding ultimatums, I think my wife saying its time to divorce is quite an ultimatum on her part. I don't know what I could do to trump that.
As far as getting away from my wife and letting her have the kids, etc. (essentially the 'after the last resort technique'):
I have a problem: My wife has expressed an interest on several occasions of introducing our little ones to the evil OM. I have never liked the idea of this, and once I spoke to my attorney about it last Fall, she was adamant that our kids shouldn't see OM until after the divorce was finalized. I told this to my wife, and while she wasn't happy about it, she has succumed to my wishes in this matter (so far..... )
There have been a few occasions when she tried to sneak in an OM/kids intro under the guise of work event (she regularly gets free tickets to pro sporting events in her capacity as a big-ticket corporate sales rep), but I have warded off these attempts so far...by asking a lot of questions.
W has felt all along that in her indecisiveness between marriage and choosing a life with OM, that the kids played a major role. What if he met them, saw them acting up or taking a huge amount of mommy's time, or what if he decided that he just didn't like them (which for anyone is an impossibility )? This would certainly help her decide if she is running off with the young bachelor or hanging on to her marriage with a man that she still says that she loves.
She has been in this decision mode for several months now and finally, and suddenly, the scales, she says, have tipped against me....And OM still has not met the kids...
Anyway, what has been stifling my attempts at total disengaging from my wife is my fear that leaving my kids alone with her will at some point lead to a surreptitious meeting. I believe she would cheat in some way to arrange it...even if the kids ran into OM at the mall and had a little innocuous meet and greet.
Am I being overly paranoid? Is it time to drop my guard and take the chance that my kids will finally get to meet the devil? Is getting a life worth taking off for an afternoon? Or a long weekend?
I'm thinking so....
I've rambled enough. There was an interesting conversation this evening that I will get to later...
) 
)? This would certainly help her decide if she is running off with the young bachelor or hanging on to her marriage with a man that she still says that she loves. 
