I'm on my second M. First M 18 years, two kids. My current H, after 1 year of M, had a l 1/2 affair. Do the math - it almost killed me! We're together now after a year of separation and things are good! To sum it up, it's not hopeless. I can't tell you the number of times I said I wanted a D! But deep inside, I knew that is not what I wanted. It sounds like your W may be in the same boat. She wants the best of both worlds. Is it possible for you to give her an ultimatum? Or do you think it would backfire. One thing I learned in all my research, is that reconciling is almost impossible while the A is still in progress. I think you know this since you said that your just sitting back. Don't do that! GAL - do things for yourself - go out with your buddies, enjoy doing things with friends. There is no reason why you should just sit around and wait for the the A to fizzle out. Once your W sees that neither of you are going to "wait" on her, she just may see the finality and the reality of the D. D always sounds wonderful, free to do what you want, free to come and go as you please, etc. But from experience, and having children, that isn't the case. It's full of strife, anxiety, hurt and devastating to the kids. I think your W knows this so put it a reality for her. Don't be her permanent babysitter! Tell her that she needs to take the kids for a weekend because you have plans. This sounds like I'm being vindictive, I'm not, I'm just trying to give you some suggestions that may make her see things more clearly. Right now, she starry eyed and sees romance and bliss. I can tell you - having someone other than the natual parent, telling the kids no or trying to discipline them will not set well with her. I know it won't with you but believe me, it won't with her either. She'll begin to resent his interference.
