I remember you from when you were posting before. I am really saddened to hear this about your sitch. I know your daily interaction with your kids means the world to you but unfortunately it's only possible because of something that may no longer exist, your marriage. I AM NOT saying there is no hope, only that one of the things that seems to help some of us (not me yet mind you) is to accept what IS and what is NOT. This does not mean give up hope, just give up clinging to something that you cannot control and letting it bring that which you CAN control down. You CAN CONTROL the way you behave and how you project yourself into the world. Try to stay positive, even though it seems like everything is coming crashing down on you.
Those are big ideas from me, especially since I fear the same exact thing and to this point, my sitch is very much like yours. The main exception is that my W does not spend the night with OM. My W seems to be open to "US" but not in so many words and I fear the next set of bombs could fall at any moment. What I constantly tell myself though is that the damage is already done. The possibility exists for me not to see my boys (S3 & S5) daily RIGHT NOW, the fact that my W and I co-habitate and are nice to each other DOES NOT mean I have a marriage. I need to accept that along with the fact that for my W, our marriage is something that is FAR from a certainty. For her, life has possibilities, ones that DON'T include me. I need to realize that MY life has possibilities too, maybe not the ones I want, but ones that WILL fulfill me AND include my boys.
I am trying to tell you things that will help but honestly your sitch scares the hell out of me because it could happen to me at any point. All I can say is that now, more than ever, your kids need you to be strong. Their mother is doing something that could make you angry, resentful, absent, or any other negative, destructive emotion around them. Don't let that happen.
As for your marriage and R with your W, there is ALWAYS hope. Remember, these people don't know what they want. One day they want OM, the next they are thinking about giving "us" a try. They don't always communicate these swings, but I'm sure they feel them.
Try to have faith that you will be ok. I have faith that you will. I will be here, as will we all should you need us.
