Since I haven't been around much lately, a brief update:
Me 49, Stay at home dad, W 38. Married 11 yrs, together 13. Two young kids, S5, D2.
Last June I discovered wife was involved in an EA with her colleague. It became a PA in August. We neared divorce in October, but W balked when I informed her that I would fight for primary custody of the kids. We agreed to put things on hold over the holidays. And things have pretty much been in an open marriage limbo ever since.....until now.
W had been spending the night once a week at OM's house (He's 36, never married, no kids) sometimes two. We have been sleeping in the same bed, and living a cordial relationship primarily for the sake of our kids.
We finally had an R talk on our wedding anniversary (3/1) and at that time W had informed me that she was still up in the air about the OM and how things would all play out.
Given the circumstances lately, I was feeling like perhaps things between W and OM were cooling off. And indeed, she had advised me that the initial hormonal rush of a new love had subsided and she also revealed that OM, rather than being a super love god, was essentially another me....
I figured that my DBing, and the strong pull of holding our family together for the sake of the kids would tip things in my favor. So I waited it out.
Last night, however, she blurted out that we need to talk. She had seen our marriage counselor recently and asked him if he would sit with OM for some reason. The MC said he would do it, but he would need my okay.
She went on to advise me that she can't take the current arrangement and feels its time to move on with the divorce. She advised me that OM is having a hard time dating a married woman and that she needs to get out of this limbo we're in, however comfortable it may be.
Let me tell you, this feeling is no less devastating the second time around. I knew it was a possibility, but deep down I didn't think she could go through with it...especially when it meant losing her kids at least 50% of the time.
I am writing, because this place was a place of solace for the first terrible months after the bomb was dropped, and I need to come back again to be part of this community for some sort of healing.
I must say, unfortunately, that it is not so much my marriage that I loathe to lose, W has done plenty of harm to deplete my love bank, but the loss of daily contact with my kids is just devastating to me.
I need your support and prayers. I have not given up hope yet, but things have not been this bleak in a long time.
