Thanks Lou & Lillie for responding. It feels better to share my feelings about this & get input. I don't have any friends here in NC and the ones I have since high school aren't in similar situations, at least, we don't talk about those things. I mean, who wants to tell anyone their spouse isn't interested in S?
My H likes the emails, seems to respond well to them. Especially if they are geared to WOA, not correcting problems. He told me he likes the emails, just not he ones where I show him pointers for OS...
My goal isn't to change him. I just want to figure out ways to get that sexual side that I once knew, when he was drinking, to come back. I realize it will take time. I probably need a push, someone with more experience with this type of thing to make suggestions. I don't want to pressure him. I want him to feel safe to open up to me, to experience pleasure with me without fear of me judging him.
My pain, frustration & anger has, I am sure, caused me to be short with him, show more frustration & so on. I don't want to be this way. So, how do you change that? Why does my happiness seem to come from his approval/wanting/needing me? I will not be happy just letting things slide. Letting things become complacent. That isn't fair. Maybe if I just focus on me, he will come around. I need to start doing things for myself, like working out. Maybe that will make him see that I am going to make myself happy, with or without him, so that he pays attention? I lost the weight by diet & some exercise, maybe by hitting the gym regularly without him, this will stir him up?
As for Ala-non, I realize it should be for me, not to change him. I have gone in the past & liked it. But, I am afraid there isn't enough time in my day for the family, work, the gym & then meetings. I have to slack on something. So I tend to put off the latter.
