BBM, you and I have even MORE in common. My bf also has made remarks about my weight, so I lost 25+ lbs. and there's still no difference.
Once I approached him with this caramel topping thing that I proposed to put on him and just lick off (he also likes when I do oral on him, but he won't do oral on me). He practically threw me out of the bathroom when he was coming out of the shower. I had such a violent anxiety attack that I took myself to the ER thinking I was having a heart attack. (And that was when he was still drinking.)
I also sent him sexy emails, read him stuff, etc.-- he doesn't like it.
He is also a salesman-- in fact I bought THIS computer from him! I think dealing with people who had more education (he flunked out of college due to drinking and drugging) and lots of money to spend really challenges his self-image, too.
Going to Alanon won't hurt-- at one time I went three times per week. But you can't go (and you probably know this) with the idea of finding out ways to change your H. Alanon is all about getting a life for yourself. I found it very worthwhile.
Y'all have got to find a reliable method of birth control. You don't need that variable floating around in the background.
I don't know what else to tell you... think of it: he has never had sex sober. No wonder it scares the crap out of him.
