Lilliepearl, Thank you for responding. Your sitch is similar. I don't know why I didn't catch that before. I have enjoyed reading your posts.
"The sex was better in terms of emotional connection when he was drinkng, but not so good in physical "performance."
Both were better for us. No blackouts. He just says now he doesn't remember being the things I say he was, like romantic, creative, passionate, etc.
"But like your H, he is very reserved and even a bit of a prude. "
Yes, that is my H to the T. I do not know "this" man.
"Perhaps the two of you could devise a system of "signals". Or maybe a planned "date" would help."
We talked about this, but never followed through with it. Seems like a plan to me.
"When they stop drinking, they're like a little baby chick who's just broken out of the shell. The protective coating that used to shield them from feelings, hurts, insecurity, is gone and everything is raw."
This is so true. Gosh, I feel so self-centered.
Is your H in AA, or some kind of recovery program? As you know, here's "recovering" and there's "just not drinking," and they're not the same thing. My bf is 55 and until two years ago had probably NEVER had sesx sober. Now THAT is a sobering thought.
"He was in the program for a couple years. One leading up to his bottom and the first year following it. Our family is pretty much a big AA group, so we live it. He isn't actively doing the BB or meeting, but he is very much recovering, praying, living the way he needs to to stay sober. He is doing very well.
My H was just the same as your BF. It is a sobering thought. And sad. May be a long road ahead of us in regards to tapping into the root of the S hangups.
