Would you believe that this truly does have nothing to do with .....YOU? I want you to know that right off the bat. The comments he's made to you about losing weight, getting a tan etc....is him not dealing with his own crap. Oh and congrats on losing that 30lbs, I'm still working on my last 30 from my pregnancy
Also, I want to ask you some questions. How long during your R was he drinking heavily and taking pills? Was it the entire time, up until sobriety....you know from the beginning? If so, I'm wondering if those things were part of his losing his inhibitions and increased sexuality. That is sometimes the case with substance abusers, the drugs/alcohol allow them sometimes to feel more free about some things. Just kind of depends on what he was doing.
If this is the case, I can see how things might change once he quite doing the substances he'd been abusing. Also, many addicts do whatever substance they are doing....to avoid dealing with feelings. Feelings, pesky little buggers they are, can get in the way of many things. Once the abuser stops doing what they were doing.....depression can set in and feelings can become overwhelming. Has he had any type of counseling? Have you requested any?
FYI, my XH was an alcoholic. My current H isn't, but I do have experience with this. My XH also did occasionally do drugs when drinking, what exactly? I don't know...I just know that he did....at the minimum crank, mushrooms, pot....and I have no doubt other things as well. When he was abusing his sex drive was MUCH higher. When he attempted to quit using....his SD tanked, at least for awhile. I don't know if it went downhill compared to what it was for a long time or not, I didn't have it in me to stick around and find out back then.
One thing I'm curious about too....when you asked him about why no sex & no oral...you said he seemed hurt by how you asked. So....how did you ask? How have your conversations gone when you've tried to bring up the lack of sex? Do you ever initiate yourself? If so, what's his response to that?
Hang in there...you might just find out how alone in your situation....you truly aren't What it likely comes down to at this point is that he's got stuff HE'S not dealing with....but there could be other things as well. I'm sure there are other wiser people than myself on here who will have lots of good feedback for you.
What it likely comes down to at this point is that he's got stuff HE'S not dealing with....but there could be other things as well. I'm sure there are other wiser people than myself on here who will have lots of good feedback for you.