I’ve heard of counselors who like to use a “shock” approach, telling spouses to go ahead and divorce, or see others. I think they want to shock their clients out of denial to face the reality of splitting and see how much they really mean to each other. If your husband got upset and was crying over your hurt, I would think there was some success in this approach, although I think there may be better methods.
Since he reached out to you, why do you think marriage counseling doesn’t work? Isn’t this the first step in getting back together? How exactly would you prefer him to respond?
He doesnt feel about me the way a H should feel about a W. He said if we tried to put this back together we will both be miserable and eventually it will make one of us have an affair.
If this statement were made from a hard, unemotional stance, I would read into rather literally. But with the background of his hurt over the session and his crying, I see this in an entirely different context. This sounds to me like code for sitting on his pity pot and feeling sorry for himself, putting himself down as unworthy, and really wanting you to chase after him to make him feel better. In other words, “Mommy, come rescue me!”
I see what he is saying but why do we have to be miserable. Because you are both crying for yourselves, you have lost the support from each other that you need to hold yourselves up. Neither of you can stand on your own feet.
If he cries like that doesnt it mean he still has feelings for me????? Yes, without question. But he also NEEDS you to make him whole (which is 50% of the problem. Your compensating need is the other 50%).
Before cutting your counselor loose, confront him/her on what his/her philosophy is. It would be interesting to see if your husband has the same attitude as you toward the counselor. If he really doesn’t care, I don’t think he would even go, much less care what the counselor’s approach is.
