I need help

[BeingMe]

You do need to reestablish trust, but it takes time. Lots of time. Your H is the one who had the A, who lied, who betrayed you, so it's up to him to earn back your trust. If he isn't doing that, then I suggest you continue with your plans, continue the detachment, and do not pursue him. If he wants you back, then he has to put in the effort, not you. Your part comes in, when he is back home (if he isn't yet), and/or you are in counselling, which I would suggest may help you.

It's been over a year since my H and I reconciled (for the third time), and I still don't trust him. And, he is trying really hard, in his own way, to earn it back. We still have issues, that if we don't work out, I may leave. I am rather sorry I took him back so quickly, since I think I made it far too easy for him, but he also knows that the line is drawn, and if he crosses over it, then I will be gone. We had not initiated the D proceedings by then, and he had not left the house. His A was an emotional, rather than a physical one, so it was a little easier to stomach.

I think you know what you need to do, and what your expectations are. Nothing worth having in life, comes easy, so your H is not thinking clearly if he thinks that reconciliation is going to be easy after he committed adultery. Even if you did make it easy for him - down the line, is when it will become difficult because you will resent him for it.

One positive I would like to point out - he has told you he loves you, and he wants to stay married to you. Just keep in mind, that that does not make it all okay. Love plays a huge part in M, but trust, IMHO, plays an even bigger role. If you can't trust your partner, then love is just not going to be enough.

Wishing you all the best in your sitch!