It's comes down to literally having to reprogram someone's WAY of thinking about something...or perceiving a situation. It IS actually quite difficult for someone to conciously change their way of recognizing a situation and thinking about it.
There are Neural Psychologists/Therapists that make their living teaching people how to alter their way of thinking about things. My H went to one of these for a bit.
Let me put it this way to you. There are things within you that trigger you to think about sex. Whether it's that you view something on tv, or your W in clothing you like and that sets off the spark, or you smell something that makes you think of sex (vanilla often does this for men, or a favorite perfume), or a memory briefly goes through your mind. Something triggers that urge that stimulates your brain and your hormones and you think of SEX. Perhaps in your that also results in a physical response. Could you....not think about sex when those things happen? Probably not, for you that would be a very difficult thing to do right? However, I guarantee you, you could (if you wanted to) train your brain to think about other things when those stimuli came around.
See...for someone, like a woman who has gone through menopause, the same stimuli wouldn't produce the same results as it does in you...the chemical reaction isn't the same. The hormones that once seemed to function perfectly to create a sexual urge have changed....now, the same stimuli can produce a different result. That seems wierd to you I'm sure, you probably have a very difficult time grasping that this could be true.....because it's not that way for you, but it is that way for some people. It's often that way for women who go through menopause....not for all menopausal women, but for many of them.
So, for someone who simply doesn't get that stimuli to think about sex....thinking about sex can be quite difficult. It's not like it's a biological function of the body to live....like breathing or eating. You would die if you didn't breath or eat, but not having sex won't kill you...might drive ya nutz, but it won't kill you. So, for people who don't have that stimuli, thinking about sex has to be a concious effort. Does that mean that the woman who has to be concious about initiating doesn't "WANT" her husband....heck no! In my estimation it means she loves him and wants to make him happy. For someone with a low libido to make an absolute pre calculated concious effort to think about initiating sex with their partner is to me....an absolute expression of love. It's a very unselfish thing to do.....and a very loving thing to do.
CeMar, the other things running around your W's head are things that clutter the brain, true enough. Those things though have nothing to do with hormones and chemicals within the body. A persons' sex drive absolutely has to do with those things.
